At what point does fondling an animal get weird?

At what point does fondling an animal get weird?

You may have never asked yourself that question, but hey, that's what I'm here for: to expand your territory. Is it when you rub the entire face? Stick a finger deep in an ear? How about several knuckles deep up the nose? Or if you reach in an animal's mouth and grab the tongue, pull it out the side, and kind of...play with it?

I should explain.

There are a lot of horses in Cuba, and most of them are trained in the all-too-familiar ways: beating, breaking, brutality. But Jorge Muñoz does it differently. “I would like to say that I am the only horse whisperer in all of Cuba,” he says, with the short unpalatalized U of native Spanish speakers, “and since I know of no other horse whisperers, I can say: I am the only horse whisperer in all of Cuba!”

Sound reasoning.

Assertions of Jorge’s individuality did not surprise me. Here was a man who lived in a gorgeous former-aristocrat’s house (his family owned several before the revolution; the new leaders of Cuba left them this one) with ornate blue tiling, crystal chandeliers, and large murky paintings of serious-looking predecessors,...and a horse.

Yes, Jorge lived in this elegant house with his family, his ancestry...and a thousand-pound mountain of horse-muscle. We sat on divans and chaise lounges among heavy dark wood furniture, and in walked his favorite steed, Luna de miel (Honeymoon), cloth-booted hooves thudding on the tiles.

Jorge owns several horses, and rotates them every few days, one in the house, the rest at his farm. This might seem odd, but as Jorge fondled every inch of that massive, powerful, clearly spirited animal, I had to hand it to him: he seemed to know what he was doing. I don't know that much about horses, but I'm guessing you normally wouldn’t want to get between their legs like that, nor pull their tails or search for boogers, and none of Jorge's horses have ever felt the bite of a bit or the lash of a whip.

In conversation with a member of our party who knew her horseflesh, he quoted several theories and techniques, and she seemed satisfied, but were these parlor tricks? Or the bizarre equine fetish of a man who has spent too long in the sun?

“Why would you want to stick a finger in her nose?” He asked, a question normally reserved for confused and concerned parents of small children. “Because there are some diseases she may get, and this is how you give her the medicine.”

Oh.

“And why would you want to stick your finger in her ear?” Ummm. If the music's too loud? “Because that way you can check for ticks or other pests that may be in there.”

Oh.

“And why you need to pull her tongue out?” He held the pink flesh in his hand as he asked. Breath check? “Because the tongue can tell you a lot about the health of the animal, with its color and things.”

Oh.

The face of a millionaire

“And why would I want to do this?” his voice emerged from somewhere in the tangle of horse tail that was now spread across his head. “Because this way I can become a millionaire with baldness treatment in America!”

Oh Jorge. You were doing so well.